


You can call that a nightmare

by aMomentaryLapseOfFantasy



Series: Trinity [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, F/M, Force facepalms, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Time Travel Fix-It, reasonable anakin skywalker, you do not spend 20 years as a sith with no trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-09
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-31 05:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12675546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aMomentaryLapseOfFantasy/pseuds/aMomentaryLapseOfFantasy
Summary: “You have changed, Ani," said Padme.“I did. Knowledge changes,” he answered matter-of-factly.“Was it your nightmare?” she was looking at him straight in the eyes. “Has it changed you so much?”“Yes,” he said. Recalling twenty years of his servitude to the Emperor, he added, “You can call that a nightmare.”





	You can call that a nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> My take on Vader going back in time, tried to make it as sane as possible. Hugely inspired by those Anakin-Padme conversations from Episode III.  
> The way I see it, you do not, just do NOT survive 20+ years of being a Dark Lord of the Sith without changing. But you might still have determination to change something, even if not for yourself.

Anakin Skywalker, The Hero With No Fear, a newly appointed Jedi Councilor and a protege of the Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, was leaning heavily on the full wall height window in his wife’s apartments – and wasn’t the existence of the said wife quite a harsh violation of the Jedi Code – and was gloomily observing the infinite Coruscant views. Doing so, as well as being in a somber mood and having a heavy cloak wrapped over his shoulders, reminded him strongly of the days that had yet to come. Needless to say, memories raised by that line of thought were far from pleasant.

Padme’s tiny silent footsteps made him lighten up a bit. Seeing her so bright and beautiful and alive had indeed brought harmony to his grim thoughts, as it always did. On the other hand, it had also brought to mind the moments of his greatest failure – and a hell lot of pain, self-loathing and helplessness that came with them. He, however, tried his best to produce the most believable smile he could manage. Not that it would fool his wife – who he clearly had never deserved – but it would at least reassure himself.

Turning around, he reveled in the sight of Padme, alive and healthy, who hadn’t seen the Republic fall. Who hadn’t seen him fall, but who already distrusted Palpatine. Now would be the best time, Anakin told himself, studying Padme’s worried features. She will be too exhausted later.

The fact that she, being only a senator, outright screamed of exhaustion in the Force, angered him to no end. He only hoped that it would end soon. Or he will make it end – a small voice at the back of his head added. Then Anakin prayed he would have no need to listen to this voice anytime soon, but agreed nonetheless.

“I have been worried,” Padme whispered, searching his face for any traces of discomfort or anger. Latter was the worst thing. His younger self was never good at holding his own temper, and was absolutely unable to hide his emotions from her, particularly his anger. It was, perhaps, the first seed of distrust between…

“Ani, what’s wrong?” Padme persisted.

If his memory served him right, now he should be talking about feeling lost, about not being the Jedi he should, about wanting more… The last time it had started with Obi-Wan, but this time the old man had fewer reasons to worry about him, so the discussion never took place. Still, a good thing to start with.

“I feel lost.”

“Lost?” Padme repeated in confusion, knitting her brows in that adorable way of hers, and putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “What do you mean?”

She looked at him, almost into him, and that send another wave of cold determination to his heart.

“Council doesn’t trust me.”

Padme blinked, searching for an answer.

“They trust you with their lives,” she responded with a small reassuring smile.

“Something’s happening,” he said. “I feel I’m not the Jedi I should be.”

This time, he said it as an unquestionable fact. “I’m going to resign from the Order.”

That was it. Something new. He could almost hear the Force screaming at her oh so rebellious Chosen One. He felt the darkness swelling all around him, around Coruscant, and for some inexplicable reason (hell, there was no explicable reasoning with his ego, ever), it felt good. Satisfying, in its own way. Probably because of the realization that his choice truly mattered.

“But why?” Padme desperately looked up at him. “The Order is your life… You have friends there… Family…”

“That is why their distrust hurts so much.”

He felt that she wanted to object, and was very much startled when she chose to lean on him instead and embrace.

“Oh, Ani,” she murmured into his chest.

Patting her slightly on her back, he didn’t feel like telling her what he had to. For some time, they stood in the lingering silence. Then Padme raised her head up.

“They want you to prove yourself,” she said softly.

It was a funny feeling, knowing what he would have said. Probably he would have asked if he hadn’t proved himself already. Or he could have shouted, accusing her of aligning herself with the Council.

“I know who the dark lord is,” he revealed without much preamble.

If the Force could facepalm, now it certainly did.

Padme froze, taken aback by the revelation. For a few moments, Anakin was watching as a relieved smile waged against her previously concerned expression.

“But that’s wonderful!”

“No,” he grimaced.

Realization struck Padme.

“Is it… someone you know?”

A few nods.

“Is it someone you know… closely?”

“Yes, Padme,” he forced himself to answer. “And it is someone who is perfectly aware of our relationship.”

“But you said only Obi-Wan and the Chancellor figured out…” she recalled his words. “But Obi-Wan…”

“If there is a true messiah of Light, it is Obi-Wan,” Anakin interrupted her and smiled sadly. “He is probably the greatest Jedi the Order had in a very long time… Right now, he’s on Utapau. And he has nothing to do with Sidious.”

Padme clutched onto his shoulder.

“Are you implying…”

“I’m not implying, Padme, I’m saying. Chancellor Palpatine is Darth Sidious, and Darth Sidious is Chancellor Palpatine. They are one and the same.”

Fear, uncontrollable fear crept onto her face.

“No, no!” she cried, abruptly moving back. “He can’t! That’s… That’s impossible! You’re wrong! He can’t be!”

She was stepping back and back, until she had reached the sofa. There she stood, hands raised uncertainly, face frozen with terror, her bottom lip trembling as if she were about to cry.

Anakin returned to watching the horizon.

“Would I lie to you, Padme?” his voice was harsh with genuine anxiety. “Would I tell you this if I wasn’t sure?”

He certainly wasn’t watching her face when he asked this, but he could easily read her emotions in Force. What he felt was… astonishing, yet not unexpected. First, of course, came hesitation - she seemed to consider his words. But slowly the distrust gave in to faith, and almost blind faith at that. How could I ever think?! He turned on his heels.

“No,” she quickly crossed a few meters between them and hugged him again. “Never.”

In a few seconds, he felt her tears soaking his robes. Reaching up, he stroke her curved chestnut hair, trying to revel in peace and silence before the storm erupts.

“What are we going to do?” Padme asked in a few minutes.

“Can you flee Coruscant by this night?”

She frowned, revolted by the idea.

“But that’s wrong! We have to expose him!”

Anakin closed his eyes and soothingly lowered his chin on Padme’s head.

“Do you know what is just about happen? No?” he waited for a negative answer. “Do you remember that nightmare I had? About you dying in childbirth?”

“Of course I do,” she vigorously nodded.

“I find it disturbingly convenient that Palpatine told me the story of a Sith lord capable of defying death – a story he really shouldn’t know - today. Soon, he is going to reveal his true identity to me. He expects me to turn him in to the Jedi Council. They will try to arrest him, and that will end with absolute bloodshed. Jedi will be declared assassins and traitors to the Republic… I don’t want to go any further.”

He could almost feel his wife thinking furiously.

“That is why you want to leave the Order?” she finally asked.

“No, my love, not because of that. Because Palpatine believes I will play a crucial role in these events.”

“Surely you wouldn’t…”

“If I didn’t knew all this, I would,” he cut her off. “He wants to play on my desire to prevent your death. He expects that to save you, I will turn against the Order, slaughter the Temple, and commit a list of atrocities I’d rather I didn’t know,” he allowed dread to fuel his voice. “He had this planned all along, Padme, fighting him is as useless as it is stupid. He probably has hundreds of contingency plans for every possible outcome, and he would not hesitate to use any means necessary to ensure success of his master plan. And I know for sure, love, that you are very, very dead, according to his plan. He is a Sith, and Sith never share in power or influence over their apprentices.”

Anakin’s angry tirade made her swallow. He could easily feel she wanted to ask many things at once, but in the end she only managed to pronounce one question:

“You want to flee?” now there were tears swelling in her eyes.

“No, I want you to flee,” he emphasized the difference. “I will fight him, because I know that Jedi won’t be able to destroy him on their own. But I also want you to be outside his reach, even if temporarily. So please, Padme, go hide on Naboo. Normally, he can reach there, but tomorrow he will be too busy to care, with all his plans coming to fruition. If he succeeds, you will be in grave danger and soon in grave, but if he doesn’t… We will finally have an opportunity to live our lives, just you and me and our child… Please, go, this isn’t a fight you can win.”

“And you?” she asked. “Can you win?”

Anakin laughed somberly. “I very much doubt that, but I certainly do have better chances. After all, I’ve been planning it for a long time.”

After a small pause, Padme responded.

“You have changed, Ani."

“I did. Knowledge changes,” he answered matter-of-factly.

“Was it your nightmare?” she was looking at him straight in the eyes. “Has it changed you so much?”

“Yes,” he said. Recalling twenty years of his servitude to the Emperor, he added, “You can call that a nightmare.”

Then he disentangled himself from her arms, and motioned her to sit down with him.

“Come on, there are some things I want you to know in case I suddenly cease to exist.”


End file.
